Nostalgia at its finest

Last night I went to Los Banos to witness the final initiation of our applicants in EconSoc. It was really nostalgic. I went there with Audrey and Kai. Kai was so arte we exerted every convincing powers we have just to tag her along with us, which she could not resist.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nalulungkot ngayon. Supposedly masaya dahil nga nasa finals ako kagabi. Bago ako nag college sinabi ko sa sarili ko na siguro pagkatapos ng college, okay lang yung paghihiwalay mula sa lugar/tao kung saan ka naging kumportable. Nalungkot din kasi ako noong high school lalo na nung naghiwa-hiwalay na pati na rin yung bagong environment na ginalawan namin. Wala na din sa tabi ng mga magulang and the likes. Pero pagkatapos ng college, hindi pa rin pala madali. Nakakalungkot pa rin pala.

Last night I felt the warmest welcome I could ever receive from people. Very warm, very sincere hugs and handshakes and I realized, I was home. It has been three weeks since Law School started. During the first week, I had a good distraction, NBA. At the end of the second week, I rewarded myself with a movie, 4 sisters and a wedding. That helped me to carry on my second week because I was looking forward to that reward. Last week, I clung to the idea that I will be going to lb for the finals by Friday. I loved the idea of looking forward to something really great. It helped me survive. This week, I am clinging to the idea of me going to lb by Thursday to get my transcript of records. For the weeks after that, I don’t know what to do.

Ang buhay naman ay isang paglalakbay. Kung hindi ka makikisabay, maiiwanan ka. Pero bakit ang hirap hirap tumuloy palayo kung gustung gusto mong balikan yung dati, yung kumportableng buhay, yung masaya, yung hindi katulad ng buhay na ginagalawan mo ngayon. Kada pagbabago ng estado ng buhay, mahirap sa umpisa, ganun naman talaga pero hindi ko naman inasahan na ganito pala yun kahirap.

This is like learning your first walk all over again or learning how to read, how to write for the first time or trying to sleep the first night you were away from your parents. I don’t know but it’s hard. I guess I became too attached to UP Los Banos.

Kahit naman gaano kahirap, kailangan tanggapin na ganun talaga, tapos na ang college, hindi na pwedeng bumalik doon. Kailangan na maglakad sa ibang direksyon, kundi, hindi ka makakasabay, maiiwanan ka. Hindi nakadepende sa isang bagay na masaya o isang bagay na kumportable ang paghakbang mo. Kailangang humakbang ka dahil yun ang dapat. Kailangan mong matutong gumalaw sa isang bagong mundo, malayo sa masaya, malayo sa nakasanayan, kasi kailangan.